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Multigenerational Households — What to Do When Your Adult Children or Aging Parents Move In
The typical household in America is changing. In recent years, increasing numbers of adult children are moving back home with their parents. Also, larger numbers of aging parents are moving in with their adult children. The reasons for entering into these living arrangements vary — some make the move for financial reasons, some for health reasons, and others out of a desire for a deeper family connection.
Regardless of the reason, these living arrangements should not be entered into without careful thought and several honest discussions between everyone involved. If the arrangement is entered into with similar expectations all around, living in a multigenerational household can offer a rich experience for everyone.
If your adult children are considering moving back home, consider these tips for a smooth transition:
- Have an agreement that outlines the living arrangments and household responsibilities.
- Decide what household expenses children will be responsible for (for example, paying rent or a portion of utilities).
- Require that the children have a specific plan for paying down debt and adding to their savings, and make sure that they follow this plan.
- Agree on a date when children will move out.
- Consider alternatives to your child moving in, such as: (1) can you loan your child enough money to pay rent outside of your home for a specific period of time; (2) can your child find employment that provides housing; or (3) is there another family member or close friend who is looking for a roommate or who has rental properties available at rates your child can afford?
If your aging parent(s) is considering moving in, have a discussion about the following to help your family live in harmony:
- What are the expectations of everyone in the home?
- How will the bills be paid (for example, will the parent contribute to rent and utilities)?
- How will the housework and cooking be divided?
- What are the parenting issues that may arise with grandchildren?
- How will everyone in the home maintain privacy?
- Discuss and consider any alternatives to moving your parent into your home, such as:
- Can your aging parents employ you or other family members to provide care for them in their home?
- Can family members/friends work together to share responsibility for assisting aging parents in their home, such as creating a schedule that includes regular visits to parents to help with home repairs, cooking, errands, and doctor visits?
- Can family members share equally in the expenses necessary to allow aging parents to remain independent?
- Does it make more sense to move parents to an independent living community or an assisted living facility?
If your parents need help managing personal finances or need full-time care (or expect to need this type of help in the future), discuss with them these additional issues:
- What type of assets do they have?
- How do they want to live as they age?
- What kind of health care and lifesaving measures do they want? What kind don’t they want?
- Who should make any legal, financial and medical decision for them if they are no longer able to handle their own affairs?
- If your parents require full-time care, are there other family members or friends who are willing to step in at times to provide care (for example, when you need to run errands, handle personal appointments, and take a vacation).
After you speak with your parents about the kind of care they want for themselves, get a durable power of attorney, living will, and a power of attorney for health care in place for your parents.
In addition, you should think carefully and get professional advice before you decide to help your parents by combining their assets with your own (such as adding your name to bank accounts, deeds and titles). Doing these things could jeopardize your parent’s eligibility for government programs such as Medicaid, which may be needed to help pay for any long-term care expenses.
A final word of advice is to remember to put yourself first. It is important in any situation to remember that your needs are critical. In your efforts to make circumstances better for your adult children and/or aging parents, don’t forget to care for yourself. Don’t put your own needs after those of your aging parents and adult children.
If you have the proper discussions beforehand, the benefits of living in a multigenerational household can far outweigh any burdens. By living with your adult children, you can develop your relationship as adults and friends rather than as parent and child. You get the opportunity to get to know and be proud of the person that you raised and molded as a child, and to help guide them into a financially stable adult.
Living with aging parents can be a rich and rewarding experience. You get to show your parents that you appreciate the start they gave you in life, and that you welcome the opportunity to give back to the people who worked hard to provide for you. Also, if grandchildren are in the home, they can benefit from the love and attention of a grandparent who can impart much-needed wisdom and who can spend more time with them than most busy parents are able to. Also, your aging parents can have the peace of mind of knowing that they are safe in family surroundings, and that they have the support of people who love and appreciate them.
